Questions in the Quiet
by Kootenai
Summary: A quick drabble from 10's POV about a week after he said good-bye to Rose in the second series. This is my first Who fic, so don't kill me. Reviews would great.


**This is my first adventure on the TARDIS as a fanfiction writer. It's just a little drabble from the Tenth Doctor. Written mostly for wish-upon-a-tardis over on Tumblr, who liked a really short ask-box post I did from the Doctor's perspective. I haven't gotten to Eleven yet and I haven't watched Doctor Who in a while, so if it is weird… well… it just is. Allons-y!**

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I wasn't exactly sure how long it had been since I had said good-bye to Rose. Time is a funny thing, and I'm never quite sure how time exactly progresses in the TARDIS. For the sake of argument, I'll say it had been a week. A week by myself, well not really by myself seeing as I had the TARDIS with me, it was… quiet.

Running my hands along the control panel, I absent-mindedly wondered why I continued to bring human beings along with me. My fingers roamed around buttons and levers as I thought about why I did anything anymore. _There had to be a point in my existence somewhere, or somewhen right?_

I sighed and leaned up against the railing, taking a moment to pull my rectangular glasses away from my face, only so that I could cross my arms and rub the bridge of my nose as I thought. I pulled my hand down my face and rest my chin upon my fist. Lost in thought, I watched the lights blink merrily across the panel, briefly reminding me of the stars outside. _I might be a Timelord, but I am still one being in the vast void one calls time and space. I'm still small, I'm still vulnerable, and I'm still afraid of things. Of losing things. Mostly people._

_Sometimes I wonder if the reason I keep bringing humans with me is so that I remember what it is like to lose a person… or a planet… or a galaxy. I mean if you think about it, having a human with you sort of makes you remember why each and __**every**__ life is so important. I feel like if I was left by myself for a long time, like I am now, I would forget what it is like to care about the little things or forget why I do what it is I do. _

I let out a groan and shook my head, pausing only to watch the fringe of my hair dance in the electric blue glow coming from the center of the ship. _Why wasn't I ginger? _There was a soft laugh, and with shock, I realized it was my own. I had been so quiet over the last week I forgot what I sounded like. Running a hand through my hair, I scratched the back of my head, thoughts going back to what it was I did exactly.

_What did I do? I do try my hardest to save lives, but why? Is there really an answer? What is out there for me? I can't have anybody, seeing as nobody lasts forever. I could do anything, but I continuously go out of my way to save people and planets. Why? Is it some sort of guilt?_

Hopping up onto the railing, I situated myself so that I could just watch the ever blinking lights and think. I could hear the soft squeaking of my rubber soled shoes against the metal and the steady sound of two hearts beating in my chest. _I guess there were always two questions that circled me, and not just me as I am now, but all of the people I have been. The first was always, "Why?" which could be applied to why me, why am I the last one, why do I do this and so on. I could come up with answers for those if I wanted, but they always bring me to the other thought. The thought of "Who?". Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? Those are the harder ones to answer, and I'm not sure I want to know._

_ People assume that because I am a Timelord, I know everything. I don't, really. I don't know everything. I know enough about the right things to be able to answer with "because I'm clever" and not be questioned. But there are many things I don't know, and it is the not knowing that gets me and the people I care about into trouble. _

I stared into the soft glow of lights, chin propped up on a fist, my other hand tapping out a random beat on my thigh, fingers dancing in tune with my restless thoughts. _I have the ability to travel anywhen, go anywhere, but I spend my time sitting in here, thinking. I guess thinking is a welcome distraction from the silence of being by myself again. Although, I suppose, thinking is just as dangerous as anything else._

Shrugging to myself, I hopped down from the rail and stepped up to the control panel, letting my fingers walk around the buttons again. _If Rose was here… Well, what would I do? _I put my hand in my pocket and thought for a while about it. _Rose probably wouldn't want me to keep thinking like this. She'd say "Doctor…" and then wonder why we weren't doing anything, weren't going anywhere. _I smiled softly to myself, letting the idea of Rose hang loose in my thoughts. She'd smile, one of those full of spirit and full of life smiles, then say…

"Doctor," I said it out loud, testing the idea on my tongue. One side of my mouth lifted in a half smile. Deciding that sitting here in my thoughts wasn't going to do much for me, I began to get the TARDIS ready for travel. Moving around seemed to help fill the emptiness that the quiet had left, and I was thankful. When everything was good and ready, I braced myself and whispered:

"Allons-y."

The next great adventure was waiting for me.

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So yeah, that was my first shot at this. Reviews would be great, but don't kill me because I really do need to catch up on my Doctor Who. I finished the second series of New Who and I haven't really watched past that yet. O_o So… this is just me playing with the character. ~Kootenai


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